Under the Bed

Ready for a fun exercise?

I have been working on a new tool to support leaders. It will help leaders realize that what they fear most may actually be what helps them shine the most. I am introducing it as the Under the Bed Exercise.

Grab a notepad or tablet, or whatever you use to take notes, and follow along.

Step One: Take a Look at What’s Under the Bed

Now I don’t mean literally go check under your bed right now. Rather, take a moment and imagine what it was like when you were a kid, lying in bed, after the lights went off. Were you scared of the monster under the bed or the boogeyman in your closet or that one squeaky floor board that sounded like a scream in the hallway?

In experience as a coach, I’ve found that most of the fears and patterns we have as adults were taken on as kids — especially in those moments when we first felt scared or alone. So, really remember what that feeling was like, lying in the dark. Picture where you used to feel that fear in your body. For me, it was a tightened chest and an increased heart rate.

With those feelings in mind, picture what’s currently under the bed. What are you most afraid of, right now?

To be clear, I don’t mean physical things like cockroaches or snakes. Think about the core fears and doubts you started to develop as a child and have carried into adulthood. Struggling to put them into words? Here are some of mine:

“It isn’t safe to be me. I need to please others because pleasing them is how I get love. And not pleasing people is how I lose love.”

“I need to stay quiet and polite. Causing a fuss or making a mess isn’t ladylike. Not being ladylike will cause people to reject me.”

Put your fears into words. What taunts you just as badly as that childhood monster?

Step Two: Take Those Fears Out from Under the Bed

Quick reminder: You aren’t a kid anymore. But I bet those fears still hit you in the body the same way when you think of them. I know my heart still races when I get close to those thoughts. So, now I want you to imagine yourself still lying on that bed – but this time, as an adult.

And as that adult, take those fears and pull them out from their dark, under-the-bed corner. We’re going to look at how those fears shift and change once they are in the light.

Your monster was likely an old toy or sock. That boogeyman was usually a sleeve peeking out the closet. Those screams in the hallway really were just an old, creaky board.

Out in the light, your fears transform. Typically, the thoughts we’ve been most scared of being true are what have turned into our superpowers as leaders. Again, let me use myself as an example:

My first fear under the bed was the need to please others.

Out in the light, I am known as an incredibly authentic leader and coach. I tell it how it is. Being myself – rather than being what I think people need from me – is what draws clients to want to work with me.

My second fear under the bed was that I need to stay small and quiet and polite.

Well first of all, I now run a business called Hear Her Roar!

Out in the light, one of my superpowers as a leader is that I am willing to say “the thing.” Sometimes it’s the thing people are scared to say. Sometimes it’s the bold thing. Sometimes it’s being the one willing to offer love and compassion when everyone else can only see what’s wrong. But it always requires me be willing to be big and willing to rattle a few cages.

That’s it! Two simple steps.

This exercise is a way to pull out those deep, dark fears and see how, out in the light, you’ve harnessed them as gifts to make you the incredible leader and human being you are in the world.

What do you see now that you didn’t see before? Share, if you dare…