I set out to make 2020 the year had my roar heard for more people in different communities and audiences. And as part of that, I recently sat down with other female leaders and entrepreneurs to record five different podcast episodes to share my story and what I know about leadership development. It was incredibly fun and I can’t wait for you to hear those podcasts. Keep an eye on my social media feeds so you won’t miss them as they are released over the next couple of weeks and months.

Today’s blog is going to cover a common theme that popped up in every single podcast conversation: How to feel nourished as a leader and how to actually allow your community to nourish you.

If you are an overachieving, high-performing individual, you're probably the person who will get shit done. You're great at creating urgency on purpose. But then on the flip side, perhaps you find that you're very alone in the work that you do. You have a whole team of people around you – and yet, you still feel like you're doing it all yourself, or you frequently experience overwhelm or burnout.

If that sounds familiar, today’s conversation is for you.

I tend to attract leaders who are the consummate “canary in the coal mine.” What do I mean by that? A lot of the women I work with are willing to be the one to say what needs to be said. And sometimes that means bringing honesty. Sometimes that means bringing the hard truth. Sometimes that means bringing the tough love, regardless of what it looks like. It means that they're the ones that are willing to speak up and say what's really going on.

While this skill is important to have, there's a way in which leaders sometimes utilize that skill that leaves them feeling isolated or like they're on their own. They are using their honesty to call people out rather than call people in.

Here’s the difference:

When you call people out, you're left isolated and on your own. When you call people in, you actually open yourself up to the opportunity to be nourished and supported by them.

So how the heck do you go about doing that? It sounds nice in theory, but how do you actually create that transition?

I’ll give you a couple of places to look, but know that sometimes, what you need to do is very specific to the culture of your particular team. If you want to talk more in depth about your own experience, feel free to shoot me a DM and I'd be happy to chat about it.

There are two general things you can start doing differently that will help you call people in rather than calling them out.

First, notice and take responsibility for how you are or aren't training your team. If you're the leader of the team, it's part of your job to provide feedback and train people in what needs to be done. But if you find yourself thinking, “well, I know a better way to do it” or “this isn't getting done to my standards” you might just take the work on yourself.

When you do that, you’re robbing the opportunity to train someone to take it, which would mean less work on your part. When you just do it yourself, you are training your team to see that when when shit hits the fan and you're on a deadline, you're the one who's going to take care of things.

My guess is that when things play out this way, the way you communicate with your team after the fact is with frustration, anger, and snarkiness. Perhaps you even put people down without meaning it.

So, step number one in allowing yourself to be nourished by your team and your community is to make sure you're training them. Make sure you're actually offloading, delegating, and training your people. You need to stop taking everything on yourself.

The second thing you can do – and this is going to be really hard if you like to control things – is to empower their way of doing things.

Here’s an example of a call-out: “I need to talk to you about this because I have a better way of doing things.”

Here’s an example of a call-in: “Could you walk me through your thought process on this? I notice it’s different from my own and I want to make sure you have everything you need.”

Notice how with the second example, you’re still using harnessing your ability to spot things and point them out. But rather than shutting someone down or creating an unbalanced power dynamic, you're giving your teammates opportunities to develop and cultivate their own styles and voices. As a leader, you’re just getting on the same page as them.

Once you're on the same page, they feel empowered to do their work and you feel empowered because you're not doing it all yourself. And that’s when you get to have the experience of being supported fully.

If you’re ready to offer your truth from a place of collaboration rather than a place of having to be right, try out these ideas and let me know how it goes. It is possible to elevate the voices around you.

If you’re still struggling, I want to help you. Let’s have a conversation.

Either way, stay tuned for those podcast episodes, where I explore more angles of this conversation. See you next time!